laytondressing | The Music of Thought.

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The Music of Thought.

[Finding his way to the roof, Dimitri stares at what appear to be stars. Stars that no one can get too. He feels compelled to look down, but he's sure the heights would make him sick. He wants to know what's down there. Could it be an abyss to nothing, like an H.P. Lovecraft story? Or is there an outside, and the only way to get to it is to jump?

His other idea is, perhaps they're all dead. If they were, that means they're all dead from different dimensions and times. But what if this was death? Stuck in a place like this, to show you all your flaws, and let out all your secrets, with no way out, and the closest you can get to outside is the rooftop. In any case, he doesn't look down.

All he knows is he needs some one to snap him out of this thinking, before he seriously considers jumping.]

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No, it... it's good to hear the way that you'd put it. I mean... much as I know he still thinks about her a lot, my Dimitri won't really talk about Claire. I think he feels bad about it because we're together. And I understand, but sometimes I wish he'd just talk about it.

I know, it's hard to talk about it. Hell, I can't even talk about it with my psychiatrist. And yes, he probably does feel bad. It's a love never resolved, and it feels missing.

Just, give my double more time. Once he gets out of his accident, he'll realize how grateful he should be to have you.

Now, I just need someone...

Well... a place like this, a man like you... if you're looking, then I'm certain you'll find someone, Dimitri. Anybody would be lucky to have you.

[He shakes his head.]

I don't know if I want to find some one here. Its too easy to get your heart broken. And even if I did, I don't know if I can.

I saw Claire...

C'mon, Dimitri, live a little!

And if there's a Claire here... why not suggest a date, or something? I mean... I think part of your problem is that you never knew whether you'd have had a chance, if you'd spoken up and Layton hadn't. Whatever you might think... I think she'd have been lucky to have you. I know I have been. So just... go for it. What's the worst that can happen? She turns you down? At least then you know, and you can move on.

Damn you and your good points.

I don't have a chance though. She was young, I'm old now...eh, older, but still. I can't imagine she would even consider.

Or perhaps that's me and my low self esteem talking.

You're still a wonderful man, Dimitri. Just give it a go. It can't hurt, can it? If she says no, well, you expected that anyway. You've been telling yourself that you'd never have a chance. And if she says yes, then you have the woman you've wanted for all those years.

Believe me, Dimitri, I know from experience about not wanting to say anything to the person you love for fear of rejection.

I've been around longer, trust me, I'm more of a professional.

You really think I should? I don't know...

Ah, but you never actually said something, Dimitri! I did, and it worked well enough for me. I think you're much more pleasant and sophisticated company than myself, and Miss Foley would be a fool to disagree.

Come now, if she says no then she's not worth your affections anyway, and you can keep her as a friend and feel horribly validated in your own bad opinion of yourself, no matter that it's complete lies. I'll bring you ice cream if you're rejected, like the girls at school used to.

[Dimitri laughed.]

You'll bring me ice cream? I'm glad to know you're just like my Clive.

I could use some sweets...

Well, you know, girls always talk about having ice cream when they've been rejected! Between your hair and my figure, I'm sure we probably count enough that it's not weird, right?

[He grins at Dimitri.]

God, and you're just the same as my Dimitri! I think I might have something sweet, though...

[He digs in his pocket, coming up with a few boiled sherbets.]

...well, they're sour, and they'll probably be sticky as they've been in there a while, but would you like some?

You're right. We're girl enough!

[He smiles at him and takes one.]

Do you and my double eat a lot? Your double and I eat a lot. We always make jokes about getting health problems because we eat so much. We both have goos metabolisms though. Jeez, I miss home.

[Clive chuckles.]

Well, I don't eat all that much. I don't know. Most of what I do eat is mostly junk food and sweets, so I'm probably no better.

[Dimitri snickers and shakes his head.]

That's all we eat anyway. Actually, once while we were working together, back then, I went to the market with him to get healthy foods, and he somehow made me come back with all the candies and sweets and such. That's how it goes, I suppose.

[He sighs lightly,]

Hm, I'm missing home...

Ugh, what's the point of healthy things like that? God, I pity my double a little. Since he's been staying right next to mother, I think she's been making him eat properly.

[He pauses, biting his lip.]

...well, though, maybe she'd do the same if I actually went to speak to her...

You should go talk to her. I'm sure she'd understand more than one baby if hers right about now. Most mothers would love that, actually. Especially ones that want their moms.

You should talk to her. God, I miss my mother now...

Well... I know she already knows that there are a few of us here. I just... I feel bad. All the others... it sounds like they spent a lot more time thinking about her than I did once I was staying with you. I... barely even remember her, you know?

I think she would understand. If I were her, I would be glad. If I died, and I left my baby behind, I would rather him going on and being happy than grieving all the time.

Hm...I never had kids despite always wanted to. What a shame.

I guess... I don't know. I just feel like I'd be a disappointment compared to my doubles.

[He sighs and shakes his head.]

Ehhh... you still could. I think you'd have cute kids.

Eh, I'm probably passed my prime. Forty-something...eh.

[He smiles at Clive.]

You're not a disappointment. It seems like we're all different, right? Even than our doubles. She won't blame you.

Past your prime? No way! You're... sophisticated.

[He shakes his head again, shrugging a bit and shifting closer to Dimitri.]

Well. Either way.

Well thank you. I don't know. I wish I could see it that way. I just feel old.

[He sighs thinking about it.]

I just need to talk to the Claire here. I don't know...this whole place is complicated, I just want to explode, my mind is working too hard.

That's what my Dimitri used to say, too, that he was old. I think I spent about a year trying to convince him that he wasn't too old for me before he actually gave in.

[He smiles faintly and tilts his head to look at Dimitri's face.]

I'm certain that Claire will see it the same way as I do. Just talk to her and I'm sure things will work out for you.

I'm glad my double is quite similar to me.

[He rubs Clive's head a bit and sighs.]

I suppose I'll talk to her. But you promised me ice cream if things don't work out. I'm holding you to this.

I'm glad, too. It's nice to have someone at least mostly familiar.

[He laughs.]

Well, any excuse for it. We'll have celebratory ice-cream if it does work out, too.

The Music of Thought.

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