laytondressing | The Music of Thought.

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The Music of Thought.

[Finding his way to the roof, Dimitri stares at what appear to be stars. Stars that no one can get too. He feels compelled to look down, but he's sure the heights would make him sick. He wants to know what's down there. Could it be an abyss to nothing, like an H.P. Lovecraft story? Or is there an outside, and the only way to get to it is to jump?

His other idea is, perhaps they're all dead. If they were, that means they're all dead from different dimensions and times. But what if this was death? Stuck in a place like this, to show you all your flaws, and let out all your secrets, with no way out, and the closest you can get to outside is the rooftop. In any case, he doesn't look down.

All he knows is he needs some one to snap him out of this thinking, before he seriously considers jumping.]

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...well, it's the first, but now you've just made it sound weird.

Sorry, I didn't mean too.

Well, I understand. I suppose that's not the first time I've heard it. I mean, I've heard other Clive's having a crush on me. I don't know. I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you. But it is me. I'm still Dimitri.

[He tries patting his back sympathetically.]

Yeah, I know. I... wouldn't want anything to happen anyway, even if you were interesting. It'd feel like cheating, even if you are technically the same person.

[He sighs again, shutting his eyes.]

I guess... it's because I spent so long living with you, in my world. I mean... I had a crush on you, like you said about my double... and then I was with you the whole time and it just never went away. God. It took so long to convince you that I meant it, though. You thought I'd just want to move on after a couple weeks and find someone my own age.

[Smiling faintly to himself, he chews at his thumbnail.]

Sorry. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything.

[He shakes his head with a genuine smile.]

Not at all. I understand what you're saying.

It's...it's actually kind of cute. The Clive in my world seemed to always have a crush on me, but I never really realized until...recently. Sorry, I'm not trying to insult you or anything, by calling you cute, if it does...I don't know. I'm sorry.

[And here he begins biting on the corner of his bottom lip.]

No, it's fine. I understand what you're getting at.

[He laughs a little to himself.]

Always having a crush on you... yeah, about sums it up.

That makes sense, now that I think about it.

You know, you've always been a good friend to me. Possibly my best, in my world. I'm glad you're something to me and I to you where you are. I hope I've given my Clive that. He wanted to come stay with me again, I was willing to let him. God, I need to get out of this place, it's messing with my mind.

You're definitely my best friend back home, as well as my boyfriend. And I'm sure your Clive feels the same. I mean... even with the differences that I know about already between the worlds, I can't see myself ever seeing you as not at least one of my best friends, whatever life I'd lead.

...I know what you mean, too. About this place messing with your head. God. Back home, you and Layton had been working together. You were trying to find out more about the explosion, because you'd come with me to London when I went to Uni and run into him. You... got attacked, and they tried to pin it on me. I didn't even get to find out if my Dimitri is okay. And I can't stop thinking that it's my fault anyway. I was the one who chose to go to Gressenheller, I was the one that brought everything back up for you two.

Knowing me, I'm a fighter. I'm probably okay I know that doesn't really help anyone, but I'm trying to be motivational.

[He grins a bit.]

That is such certaintly not what happened in my world.

I hope so. God. I just wish I could find out for certain.

Yeah, though, I know things are pretty different elsewhere. I mean, neither of the doubles I met would tell me much, but they did say that it was different.

Yes, it is quite different.

Well...hmm.

[He keeps his head leaned against Clive's and sighs.]

Was the Dimitri in your world in love with Claire Foley?

Ah... yeah, he was. I've always known that... sometimes I couldn't come first for him. It's why... it was part of the reason that I chose to study at Gressenheller. I think I hoped that... if he could deal with what had happened, maybe he'd be able to... get over her better.

God, I don't know.

[Clive chews his lip, staring off into space.]

...it sounds selfish, when I say it like that.

That doesn't sounds selfish at all. My double is lucky to have you, even if he doesn't see it yet. I need someone like you in my time to distract me. Honestly...

I dorm even know why I loved her so much. I knew I didn't stand a chance for her, but even now that she's gone, it's like she's still so consuming to me. I just wish I had someone else.

Heh, sorry if I'm boring you with my melancholy thoughts.

No, it... it's good to hear the way that you'd put it. I mean... much as I know he still thinks about her a lot, my Dimitri won't really talk about Claire. I think he feels bad about it because we're together. And I understand, but sometimes I wish he'd just talk about it.

I know, it's hard to talk about it. Hell, I can't even talk about it with my psychiatrist. And yes, he probably does feel bad. It's a love never resolved, and it feels missing.

Just, give my double more time. Once he gets out of his accident, he'll realize how grateful he should be to have you.

Now, I just need someone...

Well... a place like this, a man like you... if you're looking, then I'm certain you'll find someone, Dimitri. Anybody would be lucky to have you.

[He shakes his head.]

I don't know if I want to find some one here. Its too easy to get your heart broken. And even if I did, I don't know if I can.

I saw Claire...

C'mon, Dimitri, live a little!

And if there's a Claire here... why not suggest a date, or something? I mean... I think part of your problem is that you never knew whether you'd have had a chance, if you'd spoken up and Layton hadn't. Whatever you might think... I think she'd have been lucky to have you. I know I have been. So just... go for it. What's the worst that can happen? She turns you down? At least then you know, and you can move on.

Damn you and your good points.

I don't have a chance though. She was young, I'm old now...eh, older, but still. I can't imagine she would even consider.

Or perhaps that's me and my low self esteem talking.

You're still a wonderful man, Dimitri. Just give it a go. It can't hurt, can it? If she says no, well, you expected that anyway. You've been telling yourself that you'd never have a chance. And if she says yes, then you have the woman you've wanted for all those years.

Believe me, Dimitri, I know from experience about not wanting to say anything to the person you love for fear of rejection.

I've been around longer, trust me, I'm more of a professional.

You really think I should? I don't know...

Ah, but you never actually said something, Dimitri! I did, and it worked well enough for me. I think you're much more pleasant and sophisticated company than myself, and Miss Foley would be a fool to disagree.

Come now, if she says no then she's not worth your affections anyway, and you can keep her as a friend and feel horribly validated in your own bad opinion of yourself, no matter that it's complete lies. I'll bring you ice cream if you're rejected, like the girls at school used to.

[Dimitri laughed.]

You'll bring me ice cream? I'm glad to know you're just like my Clive.

I could use some sweets...

Well, you know, girls always talk about having ice cream when they've been rejected! Between your hair and my figure, I'm sure we probably count enough that it's not weird, right?

[He grins at Dimitri.]

God, and you're just the same as my Dimitri! I think I might have something sweet, though...

[He digs in his pocket, coming up with a few boiled sherbets.]

...well, they're sour, and they'll probably be sticky as they've been in there a while, but would you like some?

You're right. We're girl enough!

[He smiles at him and takes one.]

Do you and my double eat a lot? Your double and I eat a lot. We always make jokes about getting health problems because we eat so much. We both have goos metabolisms though. Jeez, I miss home.

[Clive chuckles.]

Well, I don't eat all that much. I don't know. Most of what I do eat is mostly junk food and sweets, so I'm probably no better.

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