laytondressing | (no subject)

[Descole nods after a moment, managing to pull herself up to stagger back to the bed and drop down against the pillows.]

Okay. That should... that should take care of it, yes.

[Pulling her knees in close to her chest, she hugs her legs, trying to warm herself up.]

[He smiles and moves closer to her, now laying on his stomach and propping his torso up with his forearms. He doesn't care that she can see his skinned up and slightly bloodied hand.]

Have you ever made a string bracelet before?

N-no, I... I...

[She trails off, reaching out to brush the very edges of her knuckles over his hand. She's still hesitant about the touching, and it's obvious, but so long as things are on her terms then she can just about cope.]

You... god, you did that because of me, didn't you? I'm sorry.

[He shakes his head.]

It wasn't at all because of you. I do it on impulse. I mean, not even me, this is something else. My hand does it on it's own. It always has.

[He pulls his sleeve up showing scars and cuts all around his arm.] I promise it's not you.

But you... you wouldn't have done it that time if I'd just listened to you...

[She pulls her arm back to hug her knees again, burying her face in them as well.]

You need to stop blaming yourself. Obviously I am too far gone for you to help me, and even though I know you're just as far, I'm going to do everything to help you.

Besides, you didn't do this to me. You know what did this to me? Years of rigorous gymnastics and ballet training. And I mean years. About twenty something years.

And you know who put that on me? An awful man named Jerome. It has nothing to do with you.

[In a way, this was therapy. He constantly blamed himself for what his stepfather had done to him. Now him insisting it wasn't his doubles fault was saying it wasn't hos own fault. It actually felt very good.]

[Descole shudders, shaking her head. She thinks he's lying - well, not about what caused the issues in the first place, but that specific compulsion to scratch himself like that, just then, that had been her. She won't believe otherwise. She's too tired to argue it, though, so she just reaches out, digging her fingers into his shoulders more than is probably comfortable as she pulls him into a rigid hug. Touching is still difficult to get her head around at this moment, but at the same time she wants someone close to her.]

Am I hurting you, now? Tell me if I am. I don't want to, I just...

[He gently holds her and shakes his head, over her shoulder. He gives a small smile and a sigh.]

Not at all. Like I said, you can't hurt me.

[Holding his double is therapeutic, and feels wonderful. He feels as if he's apologizing to himself like he needs too, but at the same time is too worried about hurting her.]

I'm not hurting you am I? That's the last thing I want.

No, I... I'm fine, so long as you let me go if I have to move. It was just... before, you were moving me and... you're able to move me and I can't really stop you, you know? It just freaked me out, is all. You weren't hurting, though.

[She relaxes very slowly, leaning her head against Descole's shoulder so that her face is half hidden in his muffler.]

[He nods understanding full well what she's feeling.]

I won't make you do anything again.

[While holding her, he clandestinely grabs the string next to him and begins making the bracelets, nuzzling his head into her hair, and still keeping her close.]

Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I've made these. And I still remember how.

[The nuzzling makes Descole relax further, shutting her eye and burying her face in the muffler some more. What he's saying about the bracelets... thinking of her own past reminds her of the conversation with Monocle, and she makes a quiet noise.]

Mmm... double? Are you French?

[Monocle had said that the Descole in his world was, after all, and much as she doesn't exactly think that her double is from Monocle's world, that bit could be the same, she supposes.]

[He makes a puzzled noise and than laughs.]

Well, my family is French. I was born in France, but for most of my life I lived in England. My stepfather and my younger brother live in France though. And I've performed in France numorous times.

Are you French?

No... I've never even been there, as far as I can remember. One of the Laytons said that the Descole from his world was French, though, so I wondered if you were...

[She curls herself against him, reaching up to pull her mask away. She likes the feeling of his muffler against the skin of her face, and the mask's getting in the way of that.]

I don't really remember it anyway, but to the best of my memory I'm from Essex.

Well he's not from my world, I'll tell you that.

[He laughed as he felt her face against his clothes. She reminded him too much of himself. He guessed that was appropirate. Since no one was around, he took his mask off too, revealing the same blue eyes.]

Essex? Really? Eh...not my favorite place, but I suppose it's better than London. Ugh. I've been living in London since...well forever. I moved there for my performances. Cryptsell Dance Studio was there, so...

Mmm... I don't even really remember Essex. Though apparently I'm a rodent since I come from there.

[She snorts a little, nuzzling at Descole's muffler and pressing herself closer to him. She feels freezing, though having him close is helping.]

I've lived in London for a long time, too. I like London, though, as much as I like anywhere...

Eh, London is...London. Essex isn't THAT bad.

[He laughs and gives a little shiver. He doesn't realize how cold he is, either.]

I just got used to London, I think. And Bradley lives there, the studio lives there, it's just an easy place, I guess.

Well, according to that Layton, Essex is a 'vile blemish', or something equally ridiculous.

[Lifting her head a little, Descole shifts to pull the covers around them.]

Either way...

Will you show me how to make those bracelets, then?

[Wondering about her Layton's choice of words, Essex was never that bad, he laughs and nods as she pull the blanket over them.]

Sure thing. It's really all just knots. But it's knowing where to knot them, and such, where it makes it difficult.

I have millions of these from my old friends in my troupe.

[Which made him think, what happened to all of them? Sure they were just kids when they met, but they had to be around each other for years. They endured similar rigorous training, what happened to all of them?]

[He shakes his head as he begins to make a bracelet.]

[Descole nods, watching his fingers move as he's making it.]

It... it'd be nice to have something like that, I think. Something to remind yourself of friends. God, though, that assumes I ever really had any.

[Sighing, she shakes her head.]

It's frustrating, sometimes, not being able to remember anything. I mean... I have bits and pieces from when I was younger, but nothing that's really of any use to me or anyone else.

Really? Personally, I kind of want to forget my younger life. We can switch.

[He suggests this with a laugh and then lets out a sigh.]

I really would just love to forget ballet. Then theatre, and you know, I just want to forget it all. Even my parents, my baby brother.

I could just be happy with my servants and...

...

[He stops thinking about what he was going to say. And Bradley? No. No he didn't need him. He had to stop thinking like that. It was weak of him to even suggest such a thing.]

I don't think you'd like it as much if you actually were in this position. I mean... god, I woke up one day with a handful of memories that didn't make any sense at first. Some of the things I actually remember still don't make sense to me. I don't know what caused it. I almost... part of me thought that maybe Layton would know, because he was the clearest thing I could remember, but if he does know then he never told me.

[She shakes her head again, nuzzling into his muffler some more.]

My life since then sometimes feels like I've just been stumbling around in a fog, you know? I gave up on ever getting my memories back or finding out how I lost them, and I did it a long time ago, but then... sometimes, I'll remember something new. Just little things. I'll remember the name of a guy I had a crush on when I was younger, or what my favorite food used to be. Useless things, but they crop up sometimes and they practically ruin me, because I find myself thinking... well, if I can remember useless things like that, why can't I remember anything important, like what my name really is? I mean, I certainly don't think this is my real name. I couldn't find any birth records for a Jean Descole. But it's the only name I remember for myself.

That's interesting. I wonder what happened to you.

I have to say, I understand that though. I mean, I used to have that happen to me. After...after my stepfather would abuse me, there were times I didn't even remember it, and not only just the abuse, I wouldn't remember what I did all day. But that only ever happened so many times.

But I guess it's not really the same huh...I feel like nothing that happened to me is the same as anyone...I feel...alone.

Ugh, how weak...

Well... I feel alone, too. So... at least we can be alone together.

I don't think you're weak, either. It's twice now that you've managed to calm me down. Nobody else has ever managed it at all. So... even if anyone else thought that you were weak... I think that you're wonderful, double. You're the first person in a long time who I... feel like I can actually trust.

[Saying it is awkward, and she hides her face in his muffler again, cheeks flushed.]

Ugh, listen to me. This place must be getting to me. I mean, I mean what I said then, but I can't believe I actually said it out loud.

[He laughs at her last statement.]

I know! It makes you tell all your secrets! I took my mask off! I don't ever do that!

I like you a lot. I just feel like I'm making you worse though. I know I'm calming you down, but I'm also encouraging your habits. I mean, at home...where I live, I do the same thing. I find myself with the most terrible habits. I hurt myself, I don't sleep, well that's nightmares, I don't go outside hardly anymore, but unlike you, I have people to push me to doing these things.

I don't know if that's a good thing, but I feel like...well in a way it helps me. I have Bradley who worries about me, and he makes me go outside, and he watches me eat, so I don't pass out. I'm not allowed to clean, otherwise I'd be like you on the floor just now.

But I don't know if I'm helping you. Jeez, I kind of miss home...

Well... you have been helping, though. I mean, you're the one who got me to come away from the floor there. And you get me to relax. I can't relax properly with anyone but you, or on my own, but when I'm relaxed I'm better about things. I mean, if I had someone pushing me on everything, I don't think it would help. You saw how bad I got when you were moving me around, and I think I'd react the same to someone pushing me that way.

But you... maybe you're not pushing me to do everything, but you understand the way that things are in my head. Better than I do, I think. And... that helps, for me. It means you can calm me down when I get manic, and that's when I'm likely to actually try to hurt myself. Not looking after myself... that's not so bad as what I can do when something puts me into a state and I've got nobody to get me out of it.

[She sighs a little.]

I guess that... what I mean to say is that even if it's not noticeable, I think you're helping. You make me happy, double. God, it's been so long that I barely remembered what that felt like.

[Biting at her lip, she lifts her head to look him in the eye.]

You... you said earlier that I have to eat something with salt, right?